30 Days of Gratitude: Day 3
Day 3 of our 30 days of gratitude, and what an amazing experience so far. The way you are all sharing here has been so great to read. I love reading your comments and seeing the participation. We’re on day 3, with only more awesome to come!
Today I am grateful for my wonderful husband, Henderson. In January 2008, I moved to Barbados with my job at the time. I had been divorced for about 6 years and sure never intended to do that again. A few months after moving there, a friend told me about a wonderful foot massage she got on the beach. I wanted one of those, so we set it up for the man to meet us at the beach that weekend. What I remember vividly that day was the awesome smile he had. Oh yes, and that foot massage was to die for. If you’ve never had a foot massage with oil that has sand mixed in it, and you have that opportunity sometime, do NOT say no to it!
I am grateful that he’s a patient man. As we dated, he knew his own feelings much sooner than I knew mine. That led to me having the “I will never marry again and I won’t let myself say words I don’t mean so don’t expect to hear ‘I love you’ from me just because you said it.” His response: “That’s okay, I’ll wait.”
The lessons I’ve learned from him have been numerous. Perhaps the biggest one is simply that one that allows me to let someone do things to take care of me. That was pretty foreign to me. I’ve always been a very independent person and I really didn’t have the typical experience with my first marriage. In that one, I was always the caretaker. So it was a lesson of learning that not only is interdependence okay, it’s healthy in a relationship. It is also, I believe, a role men need to play in the lives of the women they love. Still, what an awesome experience for me to be on the receiving end of that lesson. It changed me as a person.
I’ve also learned to relax more. For those of you who have known me for a long time, you know what a big one that is. I tend to be a workaholic, always on the go, and yes, sometimes it ends up just being “busyness.” With him, I’ve learned that a balance is important. Sure, there are still times when he reminds me I’ve been at this computer too long, but it is so much better than it used to be.
A year ago last November, I was downsized from a job that I always thought would be forever. It was pretty scary because I was also in another country, and was only given two weeks to get my house packed and make the transition back to the States. Add that to being married to a non-US citizen who would now need to immigrate and me without a job, and I was pretty scared. In one of the times when I was pretty much falling apart, this wonderful man looked at me and said “From the first day we met, God has always made everything all right. This will be no different.” And that’s all there was. I love his strength and his unwavering belief that things will work out.
I am also thankful because he pampers me. I get coffee in bed every morning, and hot tea in the evenings. He’s an awesome cook who loves to be in the kitchen. I am truly blessed.
On a side note, I happen to think this Rasta man makes a pretty good looking cowboy, don’t you? 
That picture was taken at last year’s AHDI meeting (thank you, Kristin Wall!), just two months after we got married.
And now over to you. What’s on your gratitude list today?
Related posts:
- 30 Days of Gratitude: Day 18
- 30 Days of Gratitude: Day 4
- 30 Days of Gratitude: Day 29
- 30 Days of Gratitude: Day 17
- 30 Days of Gratitude: Day 23
Tagged with: 30 days of gratitude • values
Filed under: Fun Things • Simply Life
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I had to grin when I saw your post today, Kathy, because I knew yesterday that when I posted God first, Grady would be next. Next to my love for God, I’ve had no greater love in my life than the love I have for my husband. “I have found the one my heart loves.” Song of Songs 3:4
Like you, I had reached a place after a very painful divorce where I said to myself, “Um, no thank you. Not going down THAT road again.” But God had other things in mind for me (a God who has plans to give you “hope and a future” can be unpredictable that way…LOL). He brought this amazing man into my life who has irrevocably altered who I am as a person, a wife, and a mother. On more than one occasion, I’ve looked into my husbands eyes and said, “This is what God had in mind when He created marriage.” It’s not perfect by any means, but it is God-centered and utterly devoted.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, God.
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Kathy Reply:
October 29th, 2010 at 6:35 am
Ahh Lea, you quoted the verse we had on our wedding invitations. Isn’t it amazing how life can change. Thanks, too, for your comment as my friend. Indeed you were around a lot for that transition as we both tried to figure out what was next about the same time. And we are both truly blessed now. I feel that way when I see you and Grady together, so glad that my friend now has an awesome man in her life.
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Oh, and I had to add in a separate post how much joy it brings me as your friend to see you happy with Henderson, Kathy. Knowing the fires God has walked you through, it’s a blessing to see someone love and take care of you.
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He sounds like a keeper!
Well, Kathy, today I’ll stay with your theme and be thankful for my husband, Ed. When we married, I was 19, he was 27 and an active alcoholic. I figured, “All he needs is a good wife and home and he will quit drinking.” I didn’t know a thing about alcoholism, of course, but I was young and naive and full of dreams. So I dropped out of college and married a drunk. You can imagine how my parents felt. We went through 10 years of hell, then in 1984 Ed had a wake-up experience from God, where he says God “hit me on the head with a 2 x 4,” had 3 days of visions, quit drinking immediately, and told me he felt called to the ministry, so he had to finish his college and start seminary. WHAT?? Hey, I married a drunk, not a preacher! So the next 10 years of our marriage, I was bitter. I was glad he stopped drinking, but all of a sudden I was “replaced” by God, and, hey, how can you do so many horrible things and then all of a sudden make a giant turnaround and everything is forgiven immediately? Where’s justice? Where’s revenge? So the next 10 years he was sober and trying to serve the Lord and I was miserable and tried to get “justice” anyway I could.
Well, after he drank for 10 years and I was mad for the next 10 years and thrust into the role of preacher’s wife (which I hated), at the 20-year mark we finally achieved peace and forgiveness and felt whole again, and decided to celebrate our 20th anniversary with a new wedding (our first was on a shoestring back in 1974). We sent out wedding invitations. Ed, who’d come into an inheritance, bought me a new wedding gown, pearl necklace, earrings. We got new wedding rings to symbolize we were “making a new start,” had the little country church where he was pastor filled with flowers, invited the congregations of the 3 churches under our care, and had a new complete ceremony. We asked for no gifts, of course, just to rededicate ourselves to each other in front of family and friends. Our daughter, 16, was my attendant, and our son, 11, was his dad’s attendant, and it was a poignant ceremony because everyone knew the power of our history and story. Let me tell you, those wedding vows are much more significant after 20 years of really finding out what marriage really consists of.
Now Ed is retired from the ministry and our lives are calm and peaceful. He lost the desire to drink (which he used as anesthesia to kill emotional pain) that day in 1984 and has been sober ever since. (My dad died before my husband got sober, but we believe that he, being with God, is spiritually aware of Ed’s sobriety. My mom at 87 is still alive to enjoy the results of her deep faith in my husband’s potential and her abiding support.) We are so thankful we have each other to grow old with. We are living proof that God works in mysterious ways.
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Kathy Reply:
October 29th, 2010 at 6:36 am
Carol, wow, this story brought tears to my eyes this morning. What an amazing story. I am so glad you shared it. Mysterious ways indeed!
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It’s a husband theme this morning! While I shared on the 1st day of gratitude that I was thankful for husband and children, I want to focus on just him today. The past 2 weeks have tested our marriage (not the first time, of course)with invalid in-laws added into the mix. I always knew this time would come when we would be stretched beyond belief but I didn’t know how hard it would be! My father-in-law is 87 with Alzheimer’s. He has just now, for the 2nd time in a year, returned home from an SNF after major falls. My mother-in-law cannot care for him in their tri-level home. We’ve made the downstairs family room my FIL’s room so he does not have to attempt stairs any longer. They are losing their home as well and we have no idea what we are going to do with them. My husband has, every day for the past 2 weeks, twice a day, gone over to his folks’ house, lifted his frail dad out of bed, gotten him washed, shaved, changed, made him walk, made him eat, and tucked him back into bed. Without a single complaint. His only comment is, “It has to be done.” He is taking some time off work to do this as well. My husband has always done whatever needs to be done with a smile on his face and accepts life as it is. He truly is my soul mate and I am grateful for him every day.
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Kathy Reply:
October 29th, 2010 at 9:58 am
Deb, what an awesome story. Henderson was like that with Gram when she lived with us and also took care of his own grandmother. And he always has that smile on his face. I love the “It has to be done” as I’ve heard similar from him and in fact he struggled when we put Gram in a nursing home. In his country, they just don’t do that so it was a challenge. He’s now always saying “we need to go check on Gram” to be sure someone is there for her. I always said if I married that person would have to love Gram just as I did or it wouldn’t work and am blessed that he does just that.
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I would agree that appreciating my husband is “right up there,” but I have to expand on this, of course. You may or may not know that this is not my first marriage. Even though I don’t like to admit to 2 divorces because (like many of us women who are over 50) I tend to view divorce in one sense as a failure on my part, even though part of my mind says this has nothing to with a personal failure. What I want to talk about with regard to my husband (including past husbands) is this: Life itself is an accumulation of experiences, some good, some bad, and even in the case of divorce not EVERYTHING was always bad! I pretty much LOVE my current life, but I actually believe that had I not lived through what I HAVE lived through, I probably would never have even MET my current husband. Sometimes I feel that before the end of my life there’s a good possibility I will have lived in each of the 50 states (or at least visited them when my hubby goes on job interviews in the different states). My life has been full of surprises, and I guess that’s a good thing, although a lot of people would probably say, “At 56 years old, ENOUGH with the surprises!” I learned different things (including ways of coping with situations and stress and even people) with my different husbands. I have learned lots of things about myself, too, like I know that I don’t like being alone (which to some degree is probably why I stayed in my first 2 marriages “until I had somewhere else to go,” if you know what I mean. I’m not saying that hubby #2 ruined my first marriage–no way! I’m not saying that hubby #3 ruined my seond marriage….harumph! I was so unhappy for so long in my previous marriages, but I was more afraid of being alone in unfamiliar territory than I was unhappy in familiar territory, I guess. I’ve never truly had to be on my own (other than about the 6 months between graduation from high school and my first marriage, and that doesn’t even really count as I lived in a big residence for young women, church sponsored but nondenominational, so I had all these other young ladies around all the time when I wasn’t at work).
For young women these days, you get your education on “women things” either from your mother (maybe older sister, maybe aunt or even grandmother), at school, or maybe a mentor, but you get your education on “life with men” by living it. You would think that growing up with brothers would make you smart about men, but it’s just NOT the same thing. When you are growing up, you see the little boys in your life (and even your father and grandfathers) through the eyes of a little girl. When you grow up, your “duties” as a woman are different, and the roles that men play in your life are far different…along with the expectations you have for men as compared to what you thought when you were just a little girl.
Growing up is a real eye opener! In fact, I know lots of people (men and women both) who say they may grow old but they refuse to grow up! In lots of ways “staying young in spirit” can make a person very attractive and easy to like, but sometimes those people just aren’t the easiest to live with because it is when you “grow up” (or “mature”) that you tend to accept your responsibilities in a more grown-up way and some people fear that (partly I think because it reminds us of our mortality).
Anyway, I’m straying from my point. If I hadn’t lived through every bit of my life EXACTLY THE WAY I DID IT, I might not be where I am today WITH who I am with today.
I have to thank my ex-husbands for being who they were, for sharing their lives and experiences with me while we were together, and for actually allowing me to grow into the person I am today so I could be WHERE I am today. So, I am thankful not only to Chris for being the man and husband that he is to me now but also I am thankful for my ex-husbands for the parts they have had to play in my life. (Does that make sense to y’all?)
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Kathy Reply:
October 29th, 2010 at 9:59 am
Sherry, indeed our experiences do make us who we are. I didn’t have kids with my ex. While the reason for our divorce was painful and there was a lot of bad things, no, it wasn’t completely bad. I do think any experience we have in life shapes us and we get to choose how we react to it.
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Sherry, your post about ex-husbands makes a lot of sense to me. I am grateful for my husband, Eric, because I have grown so much as a person in our 30 years of marriage. He is the one that actually encouraged me to become an MT. There have been, of course, ups and down but I know that when I fly off on a tangent about one thing or another that he will be there to bring me back to reality. He is my rock in the way, he anchors me when everything else seems to be falling apart.
I am also grateful for my ex-husband because without him I would not have my 2 wonderful children. When we were in the process of getting a divorce we both agreed that raising our kids together was a big priority and I have to say that over the years, at least for us, it has worked out. My ex-husband and I actually have a very good relationship and there has never been any tension related to going to joint events, whether it was a sports event, a graduation party, weddings, birtday partys, events with grandchildren. It just has never mattered because we were there for our children and I feel that our kids are more whole because of that.
I have to chuckle when my ex-husband makes a remark to my daughter, especially, that she is just like me and that a particular personality trait is one that he did not like about me when we were married, he has even told me that in person.
So, I agree Sherry, that I am grateful both my ex-husband and my husband of 30 years. In their own ways, they have both contributed to who I am today and where I am today.
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Kathy Reply:
October 29th, 2010 at 10:01 am
Linda, another great husband story! It’s good to have that anchor. All of our life experiences certainly contribute to the person we become in life. and kids are a good way to be grateful for an ex!
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Well, I can’t write anything that will be comparable to the stories above. However, I am grateful that I am relatively healthy and do not have to depend on my husband taking care of me because he wouldn’t be very good at it. (knock on wood) Instead, it seems to be going the other way. It has been a difficult year and not even close to what I had expected or dreamed of at this age. Enough said.
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I am grateful today for my 10-year-old daughter and the sweet and loving way she interacts with her siblings and everyone around her. She is always such a joy to be around and brings so much to our family.
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Kathy Reply:
October 29th, 2010 at 10:41 pm
Sarah, that can be such a fun age. I have a grand niece that age and she’s a fun one to be around.
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Oh, I loved reading your story, Kathy. I’m so happy that you found love again, and with such a good man as Henderson! That was one of my favorite photos I took at ACE. The big, bright smiles on both of your faces say so much! I’m glad I had a chance to meet Henderson at that conference. In just a few minutes of talking with him I could tell what a kind and caring person he is. I love hearing great love stories like these.
I, too, have the most amazing husband, and we’ve been married more than 19 years!
Yay for fantastic, loving husbands everywhere!
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